Our Online Activities
Recent Comments
- Arlyna - Christine, sending you my thoughts and prayers my dear. I… on Day 68 (09.03.10) – Facing My Mortality
- Grace @ Sandier Pastures - I, too, like you am afraid to die because I'm… on Day 68 (09.03.10) – Facing My Mortality
- ToastRider - I'm taking bookings
… on On the Spotlight: My Toy Car – Only for the Big Boys!
Who’s in the Dog Box tonight?
Now I am sure all the male readers out there will know the term 'being in the dog box'. We all know… [more]
Day 46 (15.02.10) – My Niece. An Artist. Our Pride.
After viewing the artworks that my 11 year old niece, Alex (at our recent trip to visit them in Canada)… [more]
Day 45 (14.02.10) – 7 Red Things at Home
I love the colour RED. I'm not sure why. I never used to. When I was in my early teens to mid 20's, I… [more]
On your 12th Birthday
To my dearest Bea I can't believe what a difference a year makes. I thought you'd never get over your… [more]
Protecting My Child’s Innocence
I've been living in New Zealand for close to 8 years now. I must say that compared to most Asian migrants,… [more]
Our Great Anniversary Getaway
Today is our 7th wedding anniversary, so for a change I planned something myself (not common I am told)… [more]
An Ode to my Sister
On my last visit home, I told you "When you get married, I will pay for your wedding gown." I didn't… [more]
Of Letting Go and Acceptance
Today I woke up with a goal in mind. Despite the fact that it is summer, I did a bit of spring cleaning… [more]
What Have I Become?
When you're a mother, you have to be a magician Because a single kiss from Mum makes the pain disappear. When… [more]
Bea swallowed a $1 coin – amazing!
I am back from my 1-week biz and personal trip! Hello! On my 3rd day out-of-town, the news that greeted… [more]
Confessions of a Shoppaholic
Hi. I'm Christine and I'm a shoppaholic. (Christine sits down and everyone in the room greets her). Yes,… [more]
Bea’s 7th birthday party kwento
Hubs and I have started preparing for Bea's 7th birthday party way before our scheduled holiday in Manila… [more]
Blog
Day 68 (09.03.10) – Facing My MortalityWhen I was a teenager, danger and adventure were exciting words to me. I didn’t worry about deaths and accidents because I was too wrapped up in my bubble of invincibility.
Sigh, what a naive teenager I was then.
Now that I am a parent and responsible for someone else’s welfare, I exchanged invincibility with worry over my own mortality.
It was a deal I made and accepted the day I gave birth to Bea, my precious daughter.
Becoming a parent was a package deal that had “No return, no exchange” indelibly written all over it.
Being a parent is a package for life.
Tomorrow I will undergo a minor surgery at a public hospital here in New Zealand.
Everyone in the public health system whom I’ve met and who briefed me with what I am about to undergo assured me the procedure is simple. It’s routine even.
All my friends and family members assured me and told me stories of their and others’ similar experiences. They said “it’ll be over before you know it.”
While these assuring words comfort me to no end, I can’t help but be apprehensive.
I can’t help but be nervous.
I am nervous because it’s been so long since I’ve had any surgery. The last time was 13 years ago when I had an emergency CS. I wasn’t even crook then. I just happened to be pregnant and had to get a baby out of me.
I am nervous because it’s my first time to be admitted for a procedure like this here in New Zealand.
I am nervous because I don’t like ‘going under’ – general anaesthesia is not something I’m looking forward to.
I am nervous because I know surgeries no matter how ’simple’ and ‘routine’ can inevitably lead to complications, to something more serious caused by human error.
Lastly and most importantly, I am nervous because undergoing surgeries no matter how simple or routine makes me face my own mortality.
I am afraid to die.
I’m not afraid to face death for my own sake. When I’m dead, then how am I to know about it?
I’m afraid to die because of the one precious person whose young life and welfare I am still responsible for.
I’m afraid to die because I don’t want to leave my child without a mother to guide her and look out for her.
While I know that her other parent, her Dad, my lovely Hubby will look after Bea along with the rest of our family members and friends who love Bea deeply, I still worry.
Worrying is in my job description as a mother so shoot me for being melodramatic about a simple, routine procedure.
If you happen to read this post, please say a prayer for me if you believe in God.
If you don’t believe in God, please send positive thoughts and vibes my way and keep your fingers and toes crossed for me.
To staff members of the Canterbury District Health Board (CDHB), if you happen to read this, please do everything to keep me alive (and healthy! I don’t really want to be a cabbage!). It’ll be good for your stats!
No pressure though!
To you Bea, my darling daughter, when you get to read this post (as I am sure you would in the next day or so), please know that Mummy loves you. Very much.
Even if I don’t say it every hour of the day, I do love you more than you’ll ever know.
Wherever I am, whatever I am doing, I think about you every minute, every second of the day.
Like
On the Spotlight: My Toy Car – Only for the Big Boys!
Last winter I sold a high performance motorcycle engine to a local airline pilot who told me that he owned a lotus 7 replica kit car. But now wanted to build a kit car himself.
After selling him the engine and talking at length about the car he was going to build (a Locost 2 [...]
Day 55 (25.02.10) – Remembering the Day we became New Zealanders
In September this year, Bea and I will be celebrating our 5th year of officially becoming New Zealand citizens (or Kiwis). I’d like to share an article MrGooding and I wrote for PINOYexpats (e-zine) in September 2005. I still feel the same way the day I took the Oath of Allegiance to New Zealand.
MrGooding wrote:
To [...]
What should I do for my 13th Birthday?
My mum told me to think of what I should for my 13th Birthday Celebration.
I have asked my friends of what they did for their 13th and I have asked on Facebook as well (my latest fascination) and here are the results:
At home – made Disco at home
Just a random sleepover like any other [...]
Read more posts from Blog
Member of:
