I’ve been living in New Zealand for close to 8 years now. I must say that compared to most Asian migrants, my daughter and I have had it good. Racist remarks have been few and far between over the years. Racial discrimination whether at work or at social occasions have been subtle enough to render themselves obscure. Perhaps having a Kiwi for a Husband made all the difference. Maybe, maybe not. We were immune from the racial jibes. The taunts. Or so I thought.
When silly remarks were made in the past such as ‘Asian b*tch’ or ‘Go home to your country’ , they were mostly ignored by us. I’m an adult. I can handle it. Heck, I even survived the racist remarks made by my Husband’s ex-wife to me when she found out we were getting married — ‘She’s only marrying you to escape the Philippines’. It angered me, yes, that’s true. But I also learnt to dismiss it as rants of a narrow-minded and ignorant individual.
Like I said, these things I managed and learnt to ignore over the years. I’m an adult. I can fight my own battles. I can choose to ignore and dismiss things as I go.
But sometimes, there are things that you can’t ignore. Especially if they are emotionally affecting someone you love more than life itself.
That someone is my only daughter, Bea.
Yesterday, she came home from school hysterical after a very traumatic bus ride. Three teenage boys THREW STONES at her INSIDE the public bus while taunting her saying she doesn’t belong here and that she’s a bloody Asian. If she was not in a public place, who knows what extent they’d go to in their desire to be hurtful and destructive. I shudder at the thought.
It took all my herculean effort not to break down while my daughter narrated what happened to her over the phone.
I rage at the thought that this happened while my daughter was on her own without her family to protect her.
I rage at the thought that this is happening to a child who’s done nothing to deserve this treatment.
I rage at the thought that my daughter is being robbed of her childhood, her innocence. She is only 11!
My daughter has started questioning her right to be in this country (this is not the first act of racist bullying she’s experienced). She may not be born in New Zealand but she is a New Zealander and has lived here more than half her life! We pay our taxes, we obey the law and we deserve to be treated with respect.
I rage at the thought of doing nothing.
When it affects my daughter’s welfare, I will speak and stand up for her rights.
So today, I make a stand.
I make a stand to STOP. RACISM.
As parents, you may think that silly remarks like ‘Asian b*tch* or ‘Lazy Maoris’ or ‘bloody nigger’ are harmless. But when spoken out loud in front of impressionable children, these can be taken as the ‘norm’.
That it’s ok.
Those children will grow up to become teenage bullies who will think nothing of what they say. Because they heard and learnt them from YOU.
PROTECT MY CHILD’S INNOCENCE.
Protect your children’s innocence.
I will not wait for anything worse to happen to her before I speak up.
I will not wait for her to question her life and the reason for loving and living in this country.
I will not wait for her to tell me ‘Mum, I want to go home.’ Because this is home for us. This is where we are building our family’s memories. New Zealand is the country we are re-planting our roots.
I will not allow for my daughter to consciously start mixing exclusively with her ‘own race’ to protect herself.
I will not wait till it’s too late. I don’t want to feel the anguish of Megan Meier’s parents have gone through with her suicide due to bullying at MySpace.
I want her to grow up knowing that this a better world for her.
A world where people accept and respect you for you who you are regardless of the colour of your skin or station in life. A world where my daughter can grow up confident about herself and can stand up for her rights. Knowing that she is loved and that she is worth something.
Spread the word.
I am hopeful that each time my sharing gets read, it will make a positive difference in the way people view others. Remember, it takes one tiny step to make a difference.
STOP. RACISM. STOP. BULLYING.
Stop it now.
This is a battle worth fighting for. A war worth winning.
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Hi babes, I read your post tonight some 2 years aftr you emailed it all to us and it just made me cry all over again. I hope Scarlett never has to go through what Bea did that day and I know that karma will take care of the people on the bus.
ps. need your opinion on a lv purchase, email me on monday please xx
hey babe – thanks for that. Your comment made me read this post again and it’s tearing me up…again!
All good now. I’m glad Bea has moved on from this but I don’t plan to forget what happened to her and will mark this day on its anniversary every year to remind people that racism/bullying is very much alive and we must do all we could to stop it happening to another innocent child.
On to happier thoughts, I’d love to talk to you about your LV purchase! I’m so excited for you! Can’t wait to talk about it! xx
I am very sorry this happened to Bea. Bullying is a very real problem. I am sure she knows that she has you by her side to fight back.
I admire your very strong conviction against racism. There really are lots of narrow-minded people out there. Very sad.
I’m with you. Although I’m not there and I’m just here in the Phils, let’s fight back. I’ll make sure my daughter grows up open-minded and accepting of other people’s culture.
Ingat!
Clarice´s last blog ..Romulo-8217s Cafe
A beautiful and heartfelt post. I’m so sorry your daughter had to endure such heartless treatment. No child should have to go through that, ever. Wishing her strength and healing. Thank you for being a voice of tolerance.
hi.
i really understand what you mean. i am a 14 year old and i live in nz.
i am dealing with racism in my school. it is really hard. i agree with you. stop racism.
So sorry to hear your struggling too, Nikki. Have you a good support of family and friends to help you through this ordeal?
Hi Christine! I feel for you..I have a daughter myself and I know I’d feel the same way. Children like those who bullied your little girl are ill-educated. I know it’s easy to say to just not mind them. Because you cannot just “not mind” this kind of treatment. Don’t worry you know the laws of “karma.” these same boys will fall in love with people from other nations and everything will come back and haunt them. i’ll post this on my blogsite.
I’m a new follower to your blog so this is my first time reading this post via Twitter.
I’m so sorry that this happened to your precious daughter. No one has the right to treat her like that. I can’t believe racism exists EVERYWHERE, its ugly head lurking and waiting for a ready prey. It’s disgusting.
On the brighter side of things, it’s good that she shared this experience with you. So you can help, advise and stand up for her and your family.
I’m a naturalized Japanese citizen – a special privilege given to me (there are very, very few of us) but still, people don’t want to recognize me for being Japanese. I speak, read and write the language like how the locals do yet I am not accepted as “true” Japanese because I look like a Filipino and born in the Philippines.
Racism is a tough war to win and we can only win it by loving support from people around us and excelling in the things we do – to prove to them that we can’t be belittled! I pray for your Bea. I pray for every child/person who goes through this harrowing experience to come out stronger and jubilant!
Great post (sorry for my long comment!)
I’m NZ born Chinese, with kiwi mum and NZ born Chinese Dad. I experienced awful racism when I was 8-10years. I was told to “go home” – WTF? My parents were born here, where else could I go? But, luckily I had some good friends who did stick by me and help keep me strong.
And when I grew up, my Chinese heritage became something I was, and still are, proud of. Your daughter has a right to be proud of who she is and where she’s come from. Nothing anyone else says or does should take that away from her.
Hi, we are a group of students at canterbury university and are doing a investigation into racism in New Zealand and what we can do to chnage it. Your story was very powerful and influetial to myself and the group and we would like to use your story as an example of the issues in New Zealand. We know that it will only make a small difference but it is our way of trying to make a difference here in New Zealand. So we were wondering if we had your permission to use your story, and it would be your choice if we used a name. It is not neccassary to allow us to use your name as we understand that this is personal to you and that you may wish to remain anoynamouse, alos any other information would be greatly taken on board,
yours gratefully
Jordyn Moir
I was deeply upset, but sadly not surprised to read of your daughter’s experience. Unfortunately NZ as a society has become increasingly – or rather, more overtly racist towards asians. I myself am half asian, half european, have lived in NZ for 25 years, since the age of 3, but decided recently to leave the country for good after encountering racism in some form pretty much on a daily basis in Auckland. I didn’t have the strength ultimately to endure this, but I’m confident that with your support your daughter will.
I do hope that the stand you’re making reaches the intended audience, and we will one day soon see a more enlightened and sensitive society in NZ and across the world. Kia kaha
Hello dear! I hope you all had a great Christmas!
Just wanted let you know that I wrote some words about your text on my site.
You can see it here http://claudiasplace.net/protesto.html
You can translate it into English, will be not perfect but we can understand it
Hugs
Claudia Stirner.
Hello dear Christine!
I’m really so sorry about that
Unfortunatly I know exactly what you fell because I had the same problem in Germany. I’m black and the racism was very strong and I heared the worst things also. My little girl was just 2 years old and was also not good for her.
Well, now my husband,she and I are back to my country Brazil and just try to forget all that horror and be happy.
In your case, I’m sure you will be very strong and your little girl will be also strong.
I wish you that this situation do not happen again with her and I wish you all great things for you and your wonderful familie!
Hugs and Kisses!
Claudia.
hi
this really angered me…and im sorry to hear that your daughter had to go through such thing, she doesn’t deserve it… nobody deserves to be treated that way…
will be including you and your daughter in my prayers… keep strong, we’re right here behind you..
*will link this post on my blog, i want more people to read about you
Hi Christine,
It’s sad to hear what happened to your daughter, I pray that God give her wisdom and strength to discern all these things that are happening to her.
I will be linking this post to my blog for other people to see.
God bless you and your family.
hi christine,
i am so sorry you had to experience something like this.
I hope I can post your article at my site to reach more readers about these kind of discrimination… mwah hugs*
this is sad! i’m proud that you’re making a stand! bea is such a smart girl(now a young woman..bilis naman)
cyberhugs!
Hi Christine! I am so sorry to read about this. I know I’m coming on a bit late again but I would like your permission to post this on my blog too, or at least put a link to this entry, just my way of helping to spread the word. Let me know, ok? Take care. to you and Bea
I am so sorry that this happened to your daughter. I really saddens me that people make these kind of comments. I am particularly touched by your story as I am the mother of an Asian girl (via adoption) and I would never want her to experience anything like this. Hugs to you and your daugther!
i feel for you. i will repost your article to my blog and will email blast to all my contacts. i have filipino friends who also live in NZ since they were kids, i hope they did not had that same experience. i will ask them to “spread the word.”
you’re 1 tough mom. congratulations for making a stand!
“She’s only marrying you to escape the Philippines.” — this one really amuses me for being outright stupid. hey you left a wonderful and privileged life out here, which you gave up to be with the man you love. i even think the life you’ve made in the PH and NZ combined will always be far better than her bitter little white cu#t can ever taste. why divorce your man when you’ll only be on his (or his new wife’s) case? how bright is that, eh?
those people who think they’re far better than anyone just by the color of their skin or the size of their wallet, rather than the depth of their knowledge or wisdom… they’re living in ancient times. they should all open up their minds to the real present and see what’s going on in the world.
i applaud you for taking a stand against injustices, social or personal, whether it’s against yourself or the ones dear to you. i know you always mean well by anyone, and they have nothing on you.
it is disturbing and very sad how innocence can easily be robbed because of a stupid little game some beings(?) like to play. for their own stupid sense of happiness. geez.
you’ve always been a strong person christine. fighter ka diba, kaya ipamana mo yan kay bea.
to bea dear, i think you know who lost in this stupid game. and it is NOT you.
Hi Xtine,
my heart ached as i read this post. i cant imagine why people can be so cruel. My hugs to you and bea.
love,
ann
Xtine,
as my small form of support, I have made a small entry in relation to the matter that you wish to raise.
if you have the time, you may wish to read them at
http://thechefswife.blogspot.com/2008/11/stop-racism.html
we are rallying behind you and your cause and we will continue to raise this awareness for everyone’s benefit
Jigi
Hi Christine
It makes me angry. It’s a good thing Bea shared this with you. I hope those teenagers will be taught a lesson. I pray for Bea to be strong and open to you and Simon with whatever she may be going through. A special hug for Bea!!
Hi, Christine! I’m so sorry this happened to Bea!!!! I read through all the comments and I read Bea’s response post, too. She is approaching it so well…she is being very brave! But I can only imagine how terrified she was when it happened…and possibly that those boys might do it again.
I agree…I’d be asking what the heck that bus driver was doing…didn’t he/she notice this was happening? I’d be contacting the school and/or the school district (whom ever is the governing body over her school) and demanding that some discpline measures are meted out to these boys…and to the bus driver! You, Simon and Bea definitely must stand your ground and show that this behaviour is NOT acceptable and will not be tolerated. And, at the same time, you must kind of also brace yourselves that it might happen again…perhaps as backlash for standing your ground. There are truly ignorant fools out there and these boys are some of them. But I believe you should still stand your ground because I believe more people will be on your side standing the ground with you!
I’d say if you get no cooperation or reaction from the school or authorities then take this story even more public-like to your local tv station and paper, then to something that is country wide. And let them know it’s been published in a blog for all to see already (so Bea’s story is already jetting around the world!). I doubt they’d want their school to be known for it’s intolerance and for the administration turning a blind eye to intolerance!
Many hugs to Bea, you and Simon,
Lisa
My wife showed me this post a couple of days back. We are here in Wellington for 2 months now and one of the things I was truly concerned about was discrimination although I was told that New Zealand is one of the more welcoming places. Kung tayo nga lang ang makakarinig ng ganito, matitiis pa natin. But if it happens to our kids, hell will surely freeze over. I believe though that New Zealand has laws against these and it will definitely be a fight won against people discriminated upon if they learn about, even through the hard way.
this is sad.
but you know what? these kind of people who bully other people, who thrive being racists, who thinks they are above everybody else… they don’t have anything in between their ears. hollow, baby. just hollow.
di lang nila alam, sila nga itong nasa ilalim ng food chain.
kung andiyan ako sis, tulungan kita mag-campaign sa kalye. makibaka!
bea is a smart kid (mana sa nanay). she’ll be alright.
hugs to you and bi-yaaaaa!
Hi Christine! I’m from N@W and I’m very sorry this happened to your daughter. I hope she’s feeling better now; and later on she will see what stupid, ignorant boys they are and not worth any tears or hurt at all. Hugs to you & your daughter from this Part of the world.
hi guys its me bea! thank you for your sympathy i really appreciate it and it was terrifying for me too. its amazing how many comments there were but thats ok. but i try not to think about it too much because its quite horrifying to think about and i try to think about positive thoughts and i keep telling myself this is my home and im proud to be living in it but i just wish other people would understand.
thanks for all your support and sympathy and i much appreciate it.
from bea!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m so sorry that Bea had such a horrible experience. I’ll be praying for her. And for you too, for even more strength and wisdom in guiding her through things like this. Bea has a strong foundation in the home you and Simon have created for her. It will be a comfort to her, I know.
I’m a parent too, and I feel your pain and anger. My wife and I have lived in Christchurch for a year and soon will be moving to Napier City. My wife and I had similar encounters and experiences of racial discrimination, humiliation and intimidation. Mostly from “Kiwis” of all sort of ages.
This just shows the true culture and color of skin most of them have. I would not generalize them all, but 5 or 10 encounters is one to many.
I believe their social upbringing needs fixing. We might be a minority in their country, but We are a people that lives and abide by the same laws that their countrymen breaks.
And this is a huge “Slap in the Face” to their country. If by being here in this country is a priviledge, Then I thank them for that. But I demand to be respected, since I’m one of the foundation that holds their economy as with my fellow Filipino brothers.
Mabuhay ka Kabayan!
Yes for your speaking up and yes to those supporting you and your daughter!
Perhaps there’s an additional point to be made. And I’m not sure I’m able to find the words. I’m old enough to recall the public display of hatred when integration of the schools first became an issue that Washington did more than give lip service to. And it was appalling to see a child, a minority youngster, was she 6, walking a gauntlet of hatred spewed by whites. The child had an armed escort. Can you imagine what she went through listening to that? Fortunately her parents had deep understanding of the situation and had armed her spiritually and with understanding the stupidity of the racists.
But I had an additional concern. It was for those adults standing there in such a degree of distorted and twisted evil feelings yelling at an innocent child. And yes, I felt compassion for them too. They needed to be healed!!! It was their own mixed up sense of self that they were expressing. I’ve read since of the stuff that they had been handed about the ‘other’… I was shocked at what they had been told and what they learned to think and feel.
So let me make a plea here not just for bringing down the law and the teaching of right and wrong but of checking up on what those kids are learning to have done that.
And that bus driver needs some lessons too. Not just the law and what is right and wrong but to see people empathetically.
I hope I’ve added something to your ordeal, and that of your daughter’s to aid enlightening all. Oh dear! I have a nerve thinking I can do that, don’t I?
I am so, so sorry. I don’t know what else to say.
Christine,
You know what, this is the kind of incident which I’ve dreaded to hear since we decided to emigrate here in NZ. I also have an 11 year-old daughter and she will be taking the public transport when she goes to her Intermediate school next year. She’s just been here for less than a year and we fear she might encounter a similar situation like Bea had later on.
Only thing we could do as parents is to prepare them and teach them what the real world truly is… hopefully, that would be enough. And make them see that cruel and dumb people are amongst us…and she is not one of them!
Be strong.. all of us…
Mike
oh…and hugs to Bea… and good luck to you as you empower her to grow up embracing both her roots and her upbringing, and bridging any gaps in between…
blogged about this incident sis…. hopefully, people will know that this thing will not be kept hush-hush and will not be tolerated… not just because the child violated is Filipino, but because she is a child that should be protected by all the adults around her…
and with every inch of me I swear that my boy won’t ever grow up hurting someone just because he’s different… I’ll make sure of it!
I can understand your outrage, having grown up black in the United States.
The best thing to do is education – I don’t know if they have a program like this in Australia, but you might take a look at this website:
http://www.tolerance.org/index.jsp
They do good work. Particularly interesting is research that shows a few hours of contact with someone of a different ethnic group can have a big effect on someone’s racial attitudes.
Perhaps you can initiate a program at your daughter’s (and other NZ) schools.
I wish you much peace.
Pamela
Hi Christine. I’m so sorry to hear what your daughter Bea had experienced…this is Totally Unacceptable! I’m also a mother & living in a foreign country with my family. I will post this blog & share to everyone. God bless you and your family.
Boots
Hi there,
Sorry to hear about this incident.
Guess the “other” kids are not aware that they are also immigrants’ kids — after all, everyone here is an immigrant of sorts
Hope someone could teach those stone throwers a lesson. After all they’re just kids, they are able to learn. What’s scary is the culture of intolerance and racism that produced this incident …
Keep your heads up.
Cheers,
Benni.
it’s one of my fears in migrating to another country. as you’ve said, we–adults–can handle it. i’m going to freak out when that happens to my son.
hope your bea will overcome her trauma and grow up as intelligent as you. i also hope that justice will be served to the five boys. i’ll try my to link this up in my site. GOD bless!
I admire our strength and courage. I do hope your daughter recovers from this a stronger person. I do believe in the saying that what does not kill you makes you stronger.
There are many idiots in this world and we have to stand up to them. An event like this will hopefully make your daughter excel in school and other things so that she can beat these idiots in any game they play.
YOu are right. NZ is your home. YO have evry right to be there.
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