Now I am sure all the male readers out there will know the term ‘being in the dog box‘.
We all know it’s nothing to do with cleaning out your pets’ sleeping area or worse….his toilet area!
Put simply it means we are in trouble with our better halves. Yet again.
Now for any real bloke, it’s not a matter of ‘when’ we are in the dog box, it’s more ‘to what degree’ we are in it this time.
The differences between blokes and sheilas are too many to prattle on about here but make no bones about it…we are worlds apart.
- There’s the sex versus love thing that I’m not even going to mention let alone try to explain
- The endless fascination with clothes, shoes and handbags which all look the bloody same and
- When you are asked if she looks fat in something horrifically expensive, your damned if you do say something and damned if you don’t.
Sometimes I really wonder if God got it right when he constructed Eve. How could he have got it so wrong for poor old Adam? There must have been a shortage of parts when he was constructing the Eve prototype or a malfunctioning memory chip perhaps? Maybe it was a Chinese part that was manufactured under less than stringent quality control.
Anyway, I digress somewhat, as the object of this rambling is to give some advice to mere males on how to get out of the dog box, or at least to reduce the level of trouble you’re in before the next time.
Firstly, admit nothing.
Feign innocence. It works a treat (for a few times at least). Make like you really didn’t know what you were doing and put on a really confused expression. Sort of like the expression you have when she asks you to drive down to the local supermarket to get some pads or tampons and she makes it abundantly clear that you must NOT get the wrong type even though the shelves are stacked with various coloured boxes some with wings some without, thick, thin and even extra long.
Of course when she asks this small request of you, your mind automatically registers that it’s ‘that time of month again’ and you dare not question her request for fear of seeing the demon return and having to call in an exorcist again!
Another good approach is looking into her eyes (if you can see them through the bloodshot rage) and giving your best hurt puppy look.
A dog box is for puppies. But women can’t resist a cute puppy. So if you are skilled at this one, you will soften her demur considerably. When you see her faltering, get in quick with a hug and whisper you are sorry (even if you don’t know what you did).
A good point to remember here, is not to confuse a hug with an excuse to fondle her bottom or anything else for that matter. As this tends to land you straight back in the dog box again and any future fondling will be even further off.
Playing dumb can also work in your favour.
After all she usually says enough for both of you anyway, so why waste words when there are only so many to go around?
A bunch of flowers from the supermarket is always a sure winner.
It may even save your life when you’re sent to get those tampons in case you get the wrong brand, or pads with two right wings or something else a bloke really doesn’t understand. Say it with roses is often true, but just to make sure, don’t get any with thorns.
Honesty is probably not the best policy.
Why? We blokes are simply too honest and straight forward for women to understand. We are not complicated creatures. We tend to call a spade a spade, which most times gets us into more trouble yet again. It’s an endless cycle of in and almost out of the dog box.
The main thing is to learn by your mistakes.
It’s to ensure that your relationship isn’t continually threatened by your thoughtless acts. Analyse what you did and how you got caught. Think of alternatives. And most importantly, how you can get away with it next time.
Forewarned is forearmed!
NOTE: This post is fictional and any reference to real females past or present is purely coincidental and the writer takes no responsibility for any injuries caused to blokes using the above methods to get out of their dog box.
PP2: No dogs were harmed in the writing of this post.
Image credit (for dog and innocente yes): sxc.hu
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Simon, so what did you do this time? :p
nyahahahaha
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