On 10 July, it would be 4 months since that fateful day in March where an Ashburton surgeon bungled up what should have been routine surgery.

While my energies were focused on healing and getting better physically, I failed to take into account the toll of all that has happened to me on my mental health.

It was only in the last month that I realised that I was feeling REALLY LOW.

I realised how badly damaged my body was. How weak I still was. How easily tired I could still get. How hard it was to focus on anything.

All I wanted to do was get better. Fast.

It was only in the last month that I realised as my body continued to heal, to improve…my emotional health was left unchecked and slipping down a slippery slope of despondency.

No, not depression. I know enough of the symptoms of depression and other mental illness as a trained Psychology undergraduate.

I was just feeling generally low.

Low enough that I did, for a time, withdraw from any “pro-active” socialising. Save for my sister and her family, I didn’t see anyone at all unless friends popped in for a visit or they invited me to catch up with them.

I stopped reading novels (my fave past-time ever!) and retail therapy lost its appeal (yes, now you know something was really wrong!)

Even work (that I love and am so passionate about) lost its appeal for a while. I was doing everything on auto-pilot.

I even had a writer’s block and couldn’t get my blogging mojo back.

Yes, I laughed at people’s jokes, I went out with friends and would generally have a good time but they were all superficial, transient. I still didn’t feel good inside. I felt…blah.

I felt empty but yet I was also angry. I got angry and irritated in the littlest things. Poor Simon and Bea. For a while they carried the brunt of my rage.

It didn’t help that at one of the lowest points of my physical recovery, one of our stalkers reared its ugly head and caused havoc in our family. I did have a relapse and took a few days to get back into the business of healing.

All of these were happening and I was feeling a bit lost when fate intervened.

A text message to one of my BFFs here in New Zealand (BFF “J”) with the words “I’m depressed “ saw her dropping in for a visit the very next day. I didn’t realise much I alarmed her when all I meant to say was “I feel low”, not really “depressed depressed”, if you know what I mean.

It took that visit of hers to get me talking about how I was feeling. And I promised J that I will never say “I’m depressed” unless I really am depressed!

Sure, I’ve told Simon all of these but he’s my Husband. He is in my soul. He is in my very being so discussing what I felt with him does not constitute me reaching out to another person. Does that make sense?

And after I told my friend what I was feeling, it’s like a dam has opened and I was able to discuss it with yet another BFF (BFF “D”) and a girl talk (READ: group session) with these 2 BFFs  (“J” and “D”) plus another talk with friend Lisa via Skype helped me unburden what I was feeling.

It wasn’t until the girls trip with Arlynn though in Melbourne last week that I was able to finally fully unburden myself. Those girly chats I had with Arl late into the night (and up to the wee hours of the morning) finally got me all “talked out”.

After that, I was fine. I was able to get out of this funk.

Now, I could truthfully say I am back. My mojo is back. My sunny disposition is back. The future looks so bright and promising again!

I realised this transformation was happening when I tweeted and posted this status:

I wanted to record this moment in time. I wanted to shout out that I was happy and that I’m loving life again.

Actually, after I published this status, I wanted to remove it again. I didn’t want people to think that I am living THE perfect life. Because I am not.

I still have bouts of pains from my surgery. I still cringe each time I see my scar.

I still get irritable. I still worry. But at that point in time, I was feeling VERY HAPPY and I just had to recognise it.

I recognise the abundance of good fortune that I have. I have A LOT to be grateful for.

I have a GREAT family, in-laws on both sides (yes, they’re also family but I had to give them special mention to show how much I love them!) and circle of TRUE friends.

I live a comfortable life. I am in position to help and be an angel to others. Our daughter is doing well in school. I have the most adorable nephews and nieces.

It’s so hard to find LOYAL friends but I have been fortunate to be surrounded with a lot from all around the world that I can call on for company, support, advise, shopping buddies, chats, perspective and a lot more. I know all I had to do was either write an email, pick up the phone, tweet, SMS, shout out on Facebook, Skype and someone would respond. Sometimes, I don’t even have to say anything. Friends just pop in for a visit or ring just because they wanted my company. How special can one person feel?

The business I am involved in opened its doors in New Zealand at the worst possible time in history and yet is still here, surviving and thriving.

Despite the hectic work schedule, I am able to spend time with my family and friends. My social life is the busiest it’s ever been! I love it!

So yes, this post started with a question of “how low can you get?” and I’m glad I didn’t have to hit rock bottom to recognise HOW MUCH I truly have.

I have what matters in life.

Love. Family. Trust. Support. Loyal Friends. Comfort.

I pray to the powers that be, may long this continue. After the hell I’ve been through, I hope the Big Guy up there and the universe know, I deserve it.

What more can I ask for?

Handbags. Shoes. Clothes. Travel Fund.

Sorry. Just joking!

.

.

.

.

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Yes, the rumour is true. It is with a heavy heart that I am selling one of my Louis Vuitton bags! It has to happen one day, I suppose.

Does this mean my baggaholic days are over?

Of course not! I just bought a bag last week which I will blog about next week. It was bought for a special occasion

Why am I selling this bag? Well, when Simon and I decided to send Bea to a private school for her secondary education here in New Zealand, I promised the Hubby that I’d curb my spending and not buy a bag this year (next year? who knows!)

So if I indulge in another bag this year (have you noticed how I’ve stressed that I only promised the Hubby that I won’t buy a bag THIS YEAR? LOL), I have to let one go.

This was not something Simon imposed on me.

Investing on our daughter’s education is SIGNIFICANTLY MORE IMPORTANT than my bags. No matter how much I love my designer handbags, the welfare of our daughter and our family would ALWAYS trump any material obsession I may have.

It’s a simple fact.

So yes, Internet….I am selling one of my pre-loved bags. My “loss” is another one’s gain. If you are a Louis Vuitton virgin or a serial luxury handbag collector, then you will have no regrets owning this bag. I sincerely hope this bag goes to a lovely home.

I love this bag because unlike LV’s Monogram collection, this bag does not scream “I’m a Louis Vuitton bag!” from a mile away. This bag is subtly elegant. One wouldn’t know it’s an LV unless someone is familiar with the Damier design OR until one inspects closely.

That’s just the way I like my bags. I hope you like it too

This bag is currently listed on New Zealand’s TradeMe auction site. Please go to the listing for further details about the bag.

If you are from outside NZ and interested in this bag, you can email me privately on mrsgooding(at)gmail(dot)com

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PJAANAD4NZ55

It’s been so long since  I went away on a trip overseas with a girlfriend. The last time was a 5-day trip to Singapore in 1999 with my good friend, Kathy. That was before I got married!

Sure, I went away with friends within and around New Zealand in the last 10 years or so but they were mostly sight-seeing trips and while I enjoyed these trips immensely, going overseas with a friend with nothing planned but a few days of shopping can also be heavenly.

No guilt feelings that the hubby and daughter were getting bored out of their minds while I shopped till I dropped during this trip. I had the perfect shopping companion in Arlynn.

As I go to Melbourne a week a month for work, we thought it’d be nice if Arl joined me towards the end of the work week I’d be in Melbourne in June for a few days of shopping, girl talk and shopping.

This girls’ shopping trip is also extra special as Arlynn is a friend I just recently became close to and this recent trip helped cement a new friendship which I hope would last a lifetime

So, what did Arl and I get up to the last few days?

Food galore!

We had lunch at Le Triskel – a French Creperie in Hardware Lane in the Melbourne CBD. The staff were arrogantly French but the crepes were to die for. WIf you plan to go there make sure you have cash as they don’t accept credit card payments.

We also had yummy Bavarian food at Cuckoo Restaurant in Mt Dandenong; brunch at Lindt Cafe, coffee at Starbucks, yum cha dinner at Yum Cha Dragon BBQ Restaurant (the only yum cha dinner service in Melbourne) and a meal at a pizza and pasta restaurant in Docklands. It was great that my friends were also able to join us. We had so much fun!

Arl and I also explored Melbourne’s Crown Casino where I taught her how to play Black Jack and in exchange, Arl shouted me a giant Strawberry Daiquiri. I loved it! I’m not too sure if it’s good for my liver but I’ve been good for so long since my medical misadventure that I thought I deserve this treat

If you’re thinking of where to dine in Melbourne, I highly recommend these restaurants and eateries! I’d have loved to take Arl to other food places in Melbourne but we ran out of time!

Shopping at Australia’s Fashion Capital, the city of Melbourne!

Bourke Street Mall, Melbourne Grand Central, Chadstone Mall, stores in Crown Casino Towers and Collins St. We were going to explore the shops along Chapel Street too but ran out of time so that has to be something I plan to check out on my next trip.

And no, I didn’t buy the iPad. I did visit the Apple Store in Chadstone because I just had to see the iPad in person. It’s not available in NZ yet. How sad is that? My friends were right though, the iPad looked like a giant iPhone!

Girl talk and bonding! – Arl is one of those friends that is so easy to talk to and who’s got lots of stories to share. We spent the whole time chatting about anything and everything under the sun! It was soooo good! Who needs therapists when you’ve got friends like Arlynn you can share your secrets and innermost thoughts with?

A tour of the must-see places around Melbourne CBD

We went to Federation Square, Royal Exhibition Building, Docklands and Flinders train station on our last day in Melbourne.

Melbourne is lucky to have the tram as it made touring the city so much easier.

The trip was also made extra fun with the chance to catch up with my good friends based in Melbourne and meeting new ones too. I love meeting new people!

Thanks for a lovely shopping trip Arl. I enjoyed it and I look forward to our next holiday together! Maybe this time with our lovely hubbies and Bea, of course!

Re-booking my new flights online at the Melbourne Airport

The only downer of this trip? My flight back to Christchurch got cancelled so I had to stay an extra night in Melbourne. Oh well!

I wasn’t happy with the way my airline, Air New Zealand handled the cancellation and the story about that requires a separate blog post.

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You can rightfully conclude that I’m not just a baggaholic, I’m starting to become a shoe-a-holic as well. No point in “praying” the Shopaholic’s Prayer eh?

Presenting my latest purchase.

My new babies will be right at home with their siblings I bought this pair from the same shop in Melbourne ages ago.

If you happen to be in Melbourne, make sure you visit Siricco – seriously, they have great discounts on designer shoes and other stuff.

I don’t check out the leather bags, jackets and such. They are mostly heavily discounted especially if the items are from the past seasons.

I am meant to be saving but I just couldn’t resist these wee cute puppies. PLUS, they were heavily discounted. I have said already, haven’t I?

I TRY not to buy designer shoes full price so when I do get a bargain, I am very very happy!

My boots are stored in another cabinet.

I know my collection is not much compared to other serious shoe-a-holics BUT I think I really need a Shoe Room. Seriously.

Or perhaps a shoe and bag room? Maybe in our next home.

Yeah, dream on, Christine, dream on….

PJAANAD4NZ55Popular Posts:

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I’m working out of our Melbourne offices the whole of next week.

Melbourne is a mecca for shopaholics like me. And I can’t indulge (too much). I have made a promise to myself that I will *try* to be frugal this second half of 2010.

For this I pray:

Armani who art in Hermes,
Hallowed be thy Gucci.
Thy Rolex watch, thy Prada bag,
On Collins St, as it is in Tiffany’s.

Give us this day our Visa Platinum,
And forgive us our overdraft,
As we forgive those who declined our Mastercard
Lead us not into Louis Vuitton, and deliver us from Balenciaga
For thine is the Chanel, the Gaultier, and the Versace, For Dolce and Gabbana…
Amex.

Lifted from MrsFabulosity (I did change some brands that were not included in the “prayer”)

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Isn’t it ironic that I just posted an entry about how I use writing to empty my mind and soul and here I am suffering from a mental block.

I have so much I want to share. So much I want to write but they’re all wasting away in the drafts folder of this blog and tucked away in the corner of my mind.

I feel like I am driving without a destination. Withdrawing to God knows where and my refuge, the one that kept me company through the dark years of homesickness and stalker-interference, this blog, I find no comfort.

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I received my first New Zealand passport in 2005. I can’t believe 5 years has passed just like that.

New Zealand passport - new

It felt like only yesterday when I received my New Zealand citizenship which allowed me to apply for a New Zealand passport.

Now, here I am…..I just renewed for my second one.

Renewing my passport was also stress-free. I just filled out the form downloaded from the DIA website, got my passport photo taken (My photo looks awful in my new passport. Why are we not allowed to smile???), provided my credit card details to pay for the processing and voila, a new passport 10 days later arrived on our doorstep by courier.

Cool huh?

New Zealand passport - old

Here’s what my old passport looked like. I love the look of the new one! I like it that it’s got the magic ‘chip’ now.

This means, I can queue in the ‘fast’ lane at the Immigration/Passport control section of the airport!

Woot woot!

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What does reaching a milestone age of 21 does to a family? It brings together a family from around the country for a reunion of love, fun, celebration and companionship!

I am fortunate to marry into a family that is the epitome of familial love, kindness, support, respect and funny wit and humour.

I *heart* this family! <3 <3 <3

Missing in the photo are my parents-in-law who couldn’t drive up to attend our gorgeous niece’s 21st party due to inclement weather; Simon’s youngest sister, L who is living in the UK and Joel, my ever-dependable brother-in-law who took this photo. Joel was our official photographer at the party.

K’s 21st party was heaps of fun! I ‘danced’ the night away with the young ones and the young ONCE Couldn’t move my body too much. Abdomen still a bit stiff and recovering!

There were funny and special speeches from my sister-in-law, K’s grumpa on the father side and her 3 best friends!

We couldn’t miss having our own family photo.

The kids played pool with Simon as our official babysitter

Bea looking so grown up!

Sisters!

We had so much fun. Can’t you tell?

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I write to empty my mind and fill my heart.

Writing is easy: Just stare at the screen of your computer
until a tear drops on your keyboard

- Paulo Coelho

Writing is and has been a blessing in my life.

It is the avenue for which I express myself – whether they are feelings of love, happiness, triumph, sadness,  anger or feelings of silent gratitude.

It is also through writing that I could rid myself of the aches of my heart and the pains of my experiences.

I don’t know what I’d do if I can’t put into writing what I feel, what I think….

…..What I want to do, my worries, my happiness..

……My recollection of memories of my past…..

…..my dreams for the future, my plans for the present.

Writing to me is what breathing is to others.

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Summer of 1999 (December) was the first time I visited New Zealand – the country that my Husband, Simon calls “God’s Own Paradise”.

Christchurch CBD, Summer 1999

Before I met Simon, I have heard of New Zealand but didn’t know much about it. New Zealand was never in my list of countries to visit before I die sorta thing.

New Zealand wasn’t heavily marketed in the Philippines then as a tourist destination as much as it is now.

So why did I visit New Zealand? Well, there were 2 reasons.

First is of course, I wanted to see and be with Simon. We were doing the LDR (Long Distance Relationship) thing then and the last time I saw him was 6 months ago when he visited me in the Philippines in July 1999.

Second, I wanted to see if it’s a country I can see myself settling and living in long-term. I wanted to be practical and not allow my heart to complete rule over my head, my judgment.

I wanted to see if this is a country is where I could build a home with Bea. As I said before, after I had Bea, she became my priority in sizing up the men that I dated after her father.

So there I was fresh off the plane a week before Christmas. The sun was brightly shining and I was one of the last people out of the Christchurch International Airport. I saw Simon’s smiling face as I walked out of the airport into his waiting arms.

TRANQUILITY

This is a word I would use in describing my first impression of New Zealand or really, Christchurch for that matter. I arrived around midday on a Sunday and boy, the streets of Christchurch were empty. The first people I saw along the Christchurch streets were a couple of old ladies walking aided by their Zimma frames!

Even the airport didn’t have a lot of people waiting to pick up their loved ones.

It was quiet. Deafeningly quiet. But it wasn’t the scary type of silence you feel that made me feel unsafe.

I suppose having come from a city of 3 million people, landing in Christchurch and then Timaru definitely felt that the place was devoid of people!

LOTS OF WIDE, OPEN SPACES

I lived in the city. Not in the heart of Manila but definitely in a city where space is a premium. Oh boy, the South Island had lots of space. That’s what I noticed when Simon took me around a tiki tour of key tourist spots in the mainland – West Coast, Central Otago, Queenstown.

The Luge in Queenstown, NZ (Summer 1999)

NATURE – UP, CLOSE AND PERSONAL

As we drove down to Central Otago and Queenstown, I felt so close to nature. Literally. Like all I needed to do was reach out and I could touch the hills and the mountains around us.

SHEEP. LOTS OF ‘EM.

Yes, there were a lot of sheep in the paddocks, hillside and everywhere. They said there were more sheep than people and they were right! I had lots of photos with the sheep in the background. Now, I just take them for granted!

THE PEOPLE

The people were friendly. They greeted me with “How are you doing?” and then talk about the weather which was something I was not used to then. Even strangers (check out chicks in the supermarket and shop attendants) asked me how I was. Such a relief from the Filipinos’ way of greeting you – they make a comment on whether you’ve lost weight or gotten fat.

Also, in the Philippines, the shop attendants either ignore you or they follow you wherever you go as if you were going to shop lift LOL.

SHOPPING

What shopping? LOL

This was back in 1999, remember. The shops closed at 5.00pm during the week and were only happen for a few hours on Saturday! The brands I didn’t recognise but I still managed to shop a few trinkets to take back to the Philippines.

THE FOOD

There weren’t a lot of Asian takeaway places back then compared to what we have now so I did struggle with finding food that I liked and actually lost weight while in NZ (a bonus!). I did get sick of sandwiches and meat and potatoes after 3 weeks. Thank God there was KFC or I’d have died! LOL

It snowed in Central Otago in the middle of Summer (1999)

THE CELEBRATION OF CHRISTMAS AND NEW YEAR

What celebration? LOL For Christmas eve, Simon got up at 11pm and cooked a nice meal for us to share at midnight since he knew that back home, we have family reunions for Africa that started on Christmas eve and carried on till Christmas Day (and night!). It was the last first and last time we ate a meal at midnight.

New Year’s Eve – this is an equally joyous and NOISY celebration in the Philippines complete with fireworks display. Well, we didn’t have this. New Zealand was the first country to greet the new millennium and all we did was stay up till midnight and a couple of Simon’s nephews run to the lake for a midnight swim.

No fireworks. No midnight meal (we had coffee/tea and biscuits from memory). No boisterous greetings from our neighbours of “Happy New Year!”

I wasn’t lonely because I was with Simon but I wasn’t overly joyous and celebratory as well.

So what now?

Obviously, there were more to like about New Zealand because 2 years later I married Simon and migrated here. I am about to celebrate my 9th year in the country

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